I miss you!
Granted it’s only been 11 days since my last post, and only six in between the post before that, but I feel as though my relationship with you has waned. Of course, I knew it would after baby #2 (who we can now call Vivian)’s arrival. I posted my last List of Seven on Sunday on December 30, 2012. In those days I was posting at least once and occasionally twice a week. Then in January 2013 I posted only three times, but with a big finish (Vivian’s birth announcement) at the end of the month. In February I posted only once. It’s crazy looking back now – I barely remember February. Wait… what happened? Oh right, I had a newborn. Enough said. My memory is gone from those Early days. At least I have one post to remember it by. The month of March I was in Coudersport and tallied up three posts. So far this month we’ve had company, but I’ve got one post in the books – this lengthy one marks a second. Life is busy and full and I’ve got so much to share, but so little time to sort through the abundance of thoughts and ideas floating around in my head or the many images on my hard drive and camera cards. This is not the first time I’ve lamented over this conundrum and probably not the last.
From here, I’m not sure exactly where to go with you my faithful, trusty blog. It’s not that I hold myself to a certain number of posts per week or month. Really it doesn’t matter to me how often I write, though I do miss the routine of my weekly List of Seven on Sunday, so I guess I do wish I had more time for you, bloggy blog blog. I write and blog because I love to write and blog, but right now two littles by the names of Lance and Vivian are at the forefront of my every waking hour. These days I write when I have time, which isn’t often and very sporadic and always interrupted and never predictable… much like showering or using the toilet of late (kidding, but you get the gist – I’m busy here dearest blog. Capital B-U-S-Y). So I guess that is the reason for this little “hip check” post today as I try to center my focus on a suitable thesis.
This time of year some folks clean out their closets, some folks spring clean their house… For me, today (and over the past three days because that’s how long it’s taken me to finalize this post), I am spring cleaning out my mind. Sorting through thoughts, typing some mind chatter, and basically cleaning out the cobwebs that tend to accumulate in the brain of a writer. I know I need to revamp and update you, my beloved blog, but all in due time. There’s more I want to learn from you, too… widgets, custom headers, layout, design, and networking… so don’t count me out, but be patient as I finagle a way to make it all fit into my new life as a mother of two. Because believe me, I have no shortage of content or ideas to write about. That’s not a problem one bit. In fact, the problem (if there even is one?!) is that I’ve got too much to say and not a lot of discipline or focus. I need to narrow my vision a little, but it’s hard when I’ve started many a posts in my mind that are just begging to emerge… one about running, one about what I love about having a little girl (two words: baby pantyhose), one about Oma & Opa’s daily presence in our home, one about postpartum, and the list goes on… But I’m afraid these posts may never get written. Although I don’t want to pass them by, my children come first and they are occasionally
sucking and draining the life out of me exhausting, which leaves little time for much else.
So what are those little buggers up to you may ask?
To date, I’ve written so many posts about only Lance and now all of a sudden I have this new little lady to write about, too. I feel the pull to write about them equally, yet I keep telling myself it’s ok to just write about Vivian or include one more picture of her than him or him than her. As I try to master the ropes of “fairness” and equality among two children, I am learning to realize I’m fighting a losing battle. I must write my own rules of “fairness” and forgive myself if one or the other gets more of my attention in one day. I’ve only begun this whole “one-of-me-two-of-them” journey, but there is much to consider… yet another great topic for another day (that may never get written…).
Right now I want to include a few pictures of just Vivian. I am truly getting to know her more and more every day and it’s a beautiful privilege. The way she looks at me, for one. I can already sense she will be a Mommy’s girl… the way she relaxes in my arms… responds to my voice… and those eyes… we already have a connection that only a mother and daughter can share.
She has settled into an incredible nursing and sleeping routine, one I hope to write more about in the months to come. I am blessed with her easy-going nature and relaxed ways. Of course, Jan reminded me last night to give myself some of the credit for her agreeable rhythms, but I will stay say, “she is a gooooood baby.”
And as for the hubs?
He had a birthday since I last wrote. We celebrated with Oma & Opa over homemade pizza, then roasted marshmallows and devoured S’mores in our backyard. The entire evening was low-key and special and memorable and simple.
Together we are learning to juggle our new family of four dynamic. We were able to sneak away last weekend for a date night while Oma & Opa watched the kids, which was a breath of fresh air.
Prior to that I spent an entire day with girlfriends in Greensboro kid-free with four of my wonderful girlfriends. We shopped, we talked, we laughed, we ate good food, drank wine with lunch (and maybe a margarita in the afternoon!), we ate cupcakes, we recharged together… I felt like a new woman after a little Mom-ME time. My kids survived without me, my milk supply is just fine after a day of pumping on and off in the car, and I gained a little perspective and whole lot more comfort in this Mommyhood journey. Good Mama friends will have that effect on a gal…
So where do I go from here dear blog?
For one, I can definitely say I’m settling into a new normal. The excitement and new-baby novelty is starting to settle. Our days are becoming easier and more natural. That’s not to say I don’t have my moments. I recently went through the f-bomb stage of my postpartum journey . It’s not that I was angry or anything… just a little “hormotional” as I like to call it… basically a cross between hormonal and emotional… and the f-bomb just really added a nice kick to some of my thoughts during those fun (read: wonderful, yet exhausting) moments. I’d like to describe those moments as feeling “edgy” or “strung out.” I know my feelings are all par for the course, but the f-bomb stage (which of course I made up, too) of postpartum is seriously a hoot. I’m sure there will be more f-bomb moments to come, but in all actuality life is pretty good right now. After all, baby girl is sleeping through the night – a huge feat and remedy to much of this crazy talk. A sleep deprived Mama is a little (f’in) nutty. A well rested Mama is an entirely different person.
That said, I might start up List of Seven on Sunday again in the weeks or months to come now that I am getting regular sleep. Or rather, “Seven minute Sunday’s” might be more appropriate. Shorter, quick posts – like ones I can write and upload pictures in seven minutes – might be more realistic. It might help me satisfy both the need to write as well as the need to preserve moments with my kids at the same time. Today I’m afraid I’m trying to include too much with a word count broaching on 2000 words, but as I said in the beginning I am spring cleaning my brain. I want to remain “in the moment” with Lance and Vivian as much as I can, but I also need some form of intellectual stimulation and a place to reflect that can coincide with those moments. Enter stage left, dear blog. You’re reliable, free, and always available when I need you.
Now before I wrap this monster post up, a big ode to Oma & Opa for all of their love and support during their visit. They truly play with my children, especially Lance and it’s beautiful to observe. They get down on the floor with him, they engage his imagination in many wonderful directions, they give him endless love and attention… (not to mention, they speak only German to him, thus playing a big role in his language development).
The babysitting has been a plus, too. I’ve been able to get out a little, which is important for a stay-at-home Mom. Trips to the doctor, dentist, running trail, and tonight the hair salon are all important steps in maintaining a healthy physical and mental well-being (sans the f-bomb). Alongside the babysitting, I must mention Oma & Opa’s day-to-day help with cooking and cleaning. I’m not sure what I’m going to do without them when they leave on Monday, but I am certain I will write that story later…
In closing (I seriously need to reign myself in!!), I don’t really pretend to know what I’m doing with you dear blog, other than creative writing, releasing thoughts, relieving stress, archiving moments with my children and family and showcasing my best pictures, but I do know I love thee. So thank you dear blog and dear readers, both dedicated and new. I so appreciate you traveling with me on this dual journey of writing and mothering. I always feel so reorganized after we’ve had these “talks.” In a spring cleaning kind of way! Now… if only I could get paid for one or both of these jobs that I love. Maybe one day I’ll become a career writer (yet another topic…), but until then motherhood is me. Thank you for listening and understanding as I continue to adjust… I can feel a happy flow ahead as life begins to settle in and mesh into a “new normal” on this wild ride.
Have a wonderful Friday dear blogosphere. Have a wonderful weekend dear readers.
The Banter Lady
Editor’s note: Please feel free to comment or offer insight or ask any questions on any or all of this. I welcome your thoughts! What direction would you like to see the blog go?