Snake into the 4th of July

What do a snake and the 4th of July have in common?

Not much, but they do (a) emerge/occur in the summertime and (b) intertwine in this blog post.

Hold onto your hats, some conclusive remarks on last week’s snake story will be unveiled. I know everyone’s been on the edge of their seats, but I am preoccupied trying to finish a book that’s due at the library on Wednesday

First and foremost, I finally faced my fears and uploaded the pictures.

This is a picture of when I thought the snake was a “he.”

Notice the gigantic scary head with large venomous fangs sticking out between the "y" of the branches. Dangling near the ground you will see the end of it's 9,000 foot long tail.

Notice the gigantic scary head with large venomous fangs sticking out between the “y” of the branches. Dangling near the ground, notice the end of its 9,000 foot long tail.

At this time I will attempt to keep the obsessive and fear-laced banter word count to a minimum as I pick up where I left off last week. I will also attempt to put my irrational and overdramatic explanations aside.

Here’s a rapid fire list of the quick and slimy facts:

– “He” was actually “Mommy” after all. I know this because “Mommy” laid not one, not two, not three, not four, but five eggs right outside my door.

– If I wasn’t so deathly afraid of snakes I would say it was better than watching anything on the Discovery Channel.

– During the snake laying process I asked myself the proverbial why me? at least 45 times.

– Before “Mommy” started laying eggs, I considered trying to cohabitate with “him”, but the egg laying factor was a total deal breaker.

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– When she finally finished laying eggs I convinced Jan to pull her body out of the hole and put her in a box. I couldn’t kill “Mommy” now, but she had to go.

– I dressed for the occasion in long pants, hiking books, and a hoodie with the hood up despite the 80-degree weather. I couldn’t take any chances in the event that she sprouted wings and flew onto my body.

– In the process of trying to pull her out, that mother f-ing snake shed her tail in what I am guessing is a defense mechanism. Yep, Jan was standing there holding her tail in his hand while the rest of her 9,000 foot long body retreated into the hole.

– Not settling for a total failed mission, I then requested that Jan put all five snake eggs in a box and move them to another country.

– I have not had any snake sightings or seen any snake babies or snakeskin or snake slime since this harrowing night.

– My house has not been overtaken by all the snakes of the world.

– I am slowly coming to grips and making peace with this very difficult time in my life.

– I am slowing trying to regain control of my stoop and yard again in a fear-free manner.

– No signs of red ants to date.

At this time, I am still faced with more unanswered questions. Is she alive or dead? Is she still living tail-less in my yard somewhere? Will I live out the rest of my days paralyzed with ophidiophobia?

Before I snake into 4th of July festivities and pictures, I’d like to thank “Mommy” for inspiring me to write such riveting tales. I, for one, have definitely been on the edge of my seat. I’d also like to thank all of the snakes in the world in general for giving me such strong distain that I look for them everywhere I go during the summer. In the grass, in bushes, in bodies of water, on logs, in the woods, under beds, in holes, in trees, and even during my runs on the River Walk trail. Let it be known – I am prepared to take action if I see them lurking anywhere near me.

I’ve actually had four snake sightings on runs over the past few years. Each sighting has raised my heart rate to unhealthy levels. Yesterday when I was running I spent so much time looking for them that my run was over before I even had time to complain in my head about the heat and my tired legs. I even got to thinking, snakes have always been there, but only when I had one living in my front yard did I really start to notice and look from them everywhere. It’s kind of like when I became pregnant – all of the sudden I noticed pregnant women everywhere. They were always there, but I never noticed them until I had a baby in my own belly.

Ok, maybe this metaphor is getting weird.

But I do have an even deeper quote from the book I am reading that is due on Wednesday that I really need to get back to before my very limited few hours of kid-free time for the week expires. The book is Pigs in Heaven by Barbara Kingsolver.

“The predator seems to be doing only what she has to do. In natural systems there is no guilt or virtue, only success or failure, measured by survival and nothing more. Time is the judge. If you manage to pass on what you have to the next generation, then what you did was right (Kingsolver, 1993, p. 180).

Pick that one apart amongst yourselves and draw your own conclusions based on my snake tale.

Goodbye forever (I hope) snakes in my yard.

Now onto more fun summer topics — The 4th of July.

Bang! Pop! Ka-pow! Ba-boom! Boom! Boom!

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We went to a cook-out at our neighbors. Our holiday consisted of all the proper ingredients to celebrate and honor the U.S.A. From year to year the ingredients and flavor may vary slightly, but for most families in the United States all the main ingredients are quite similar.

This year’s recipe included:

One grill

Unlimited burgers and dogs

Iced tea

Lemonade

Multiple families and friendships

Outdoor games for kids and adults

Red, white, and blue attire and parafernalia

Eight adorable kids

Four dogs

Desserts involving Cool-whip

Freezy pops

Watermelon

Lightning bugs and mason jars

A coating of sticky summertime sweat

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Lance the ladies man.

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A summertime rite of passage.

A summertime rite of passage.

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Wait until dark then top with a sky light and fireworks.

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Taste the freedom and God Bless America.

About britta326

blogger, picture-taker, diaper-changer, runner

3 thoughts on “Snake into the 4th of July

  1. Your snake tale was too funny! I have a fear of all insects and anything creepy crawly but strangely, snakes have never really bothered me that much. Might be something to do with me being born in the year of the snake….
    A belated Happy 4th to you and your family! If you don’t mind the potential mess and hassle, I recommend including the beach in your recipe for next year. 🙂

  2. Pingback: Kid palooza in Blacksburg | Britta's Banter

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