One morning per week, it’s just Vivian and I together because Lance goes to pre-school three mornings per week and she only goes two mornings. Wednesday’s are the morning we share when her brother is at school and she is not. For the last few weeks we have been settling into this newfound mother-daughter time together as she explores new paths without her brother.
As my second child, Vivian hasn’t had the one-on-one time with me the way Lance did during his first two years of life before she was born. That is starting to change, beginning with this one precious morning a week when it is just my girl and me. Next year when Lance is in school full-time it is really going to change, but for now we are easing into the transition.
On our first morning alone together, I drug her to the grocery store and on all of my personal errands at a rapid-fire pace because I had so many things I wanted to get done. In and out of the car, in and out of the car. She did not have fun. I lost my patience. Lesson learned. From here on out no more missed opportunities for time together due to unwelcome rushing.
Since that day, my only agenda on Wednesday mornings is her.
Last week we ventured to the library to play and attend story time together. I suddenly found myself sitting on the floor with her on my lap in a room with other kids her age. I gifted her my full attention, knowing it was exactly what we both needed. No agenda. No big brother to keep my eyes on.
I felt close to her in a new way, and she responded lovingly with relaxed snuggles into my chest. It took me back to when I used to take Lance to story time before she was born. As the librarian read, I admired my little girl as she listened intently, not competing with her brother for the stage.
I loved being at story time with only Vivian last week, and I’ll take her again on our special morning together, but we’ll also venture to other places. We will find fun out of nothing around town as we talk silly and laugh and bond. I’ll give her my unending patience and discover how easy it is with just one kid in tow because I couldn’t see it that way the first time around.
With all of these things in mind, it has been fun helping her unlock some of her own interests apart from her brother during these few hours when we are alone.
Yesterday we found ourselves trying on Halloween masks. It was spontaneous and we picked up whatever caught our eyes. We didn’t buy a thing, yet we walked away feeling full as we talked about trick-or-treating and just how magical it will be.
Later we walked through the shoe department at Macy’s to beat the rain. I let her try on the “tippy heels” that she told me she wanted. Yeah right, but her smile at my willingness to let her engage in her desire chased away the rainy day blues for both of us. Typically I would have told her, “No we don’t have time or you’re not allowed,” or I would have had to divide my attention to pacify Lance who would have had absolutely no interest in this idea of hers. The moment would be spoiled.
Then she received a freebie make-up bag from the Clinique lady while I bought make-up. Even Mommy walked away with a few free samples from the lady. My girl and I are starting to make a pretty good team.
When we got back into the car, she insisted on sitting in Lance’s car seat.
She misses him when he is at school and that has been an adjustment for her. He’s her security in a lot of ways, which I love, but I am encouraging and allowing her to walk in her own shoes during these small windows of time. Based on the tippy heels, I’d say she’s making some lovely foots prints.
Stand tall my girl.